Dear Sir Bob,
While realising that
the past few years have not been kind to you and not having any
desire to 'tune you grief' as my South African mates would say, I
still think that it's time that you and I had a little talk.
When I was a teenager I
was quite a fan of The Boomtown Rats and certainly rated you more
highly than that prize ass Bono (is there no bandwagon sufficiently
transient to induce that tax-dodging eejit not to mount it?!) but
some of the things that you have said and done recently have made me
realise that it could well be time for me to speak up.
Firstly, you appear to
think that anyone who has expressed reservations about the latest
Band Aid project doesn't give a toss about the way in which various
countries in West Africa are being ravaged by Ebola. Nothing could be
further from the truth – but I would posit that most refuseniks are
probably more likely to be suffering from charity single ennui than
compassion fatigue. Speaking for myself I do care about Africa, so
much so that I elected to study African History in an African
university, so don't think that you can wear me down with your, “Give
me your feckin' money, you feckin' tight, pig-shit ignorant Western
feckin' bastard!”
However, I think that I
can probably speak for many of us when I say that I am heartily sick
and tired of being asked to hand over dosh by a bunch of
multi-millionaires who have “generously given their time” in
order to lay down some piss-poor cover version of a 'much loved'
classic. It might be their time but it's our money!
I have been a
professional writer for more than 25 years and am still not earning
enough to trouble HMRC. Do you know how insulting it is, when
Britain's NHS and educational system is in a state of crisis, to
submit your tax return and be told, “No, it's all right, love –
you need it more than we do.” Yet YOU are expecting ME to be the
one to hand over the money. Why not ask your dear old mate, Bono to
donate the moolah that he saved from moving his financial affairs to
the Netherlands?
I would also ask why,
in any case, we should donate to Band Aid? It would surely make more
sense to ask us to send a fiver to Medecins Sans Frontieres because
they are at least on the front line.
Of course, in the end
the people who should be pressured to contribute should be the big
drugs companies such as Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline who are, after
all, in more of a position to make a real contribution to ending the
scourge of Ebola than the overworked and underpaid workforce of the
UK. What we need most of all is a vaccine, but I think that you will
find the pharmaceutical big hitters less susceptible to your peculiar
brand of brusque Dublin charm.
Finally, could you and
Midge not have written a new song? For God's sake! That's four
feckin' times we've had to endure Do They Know It's Christmas? and,
let's face it, this knackered old war horse is looking its age. If
you hadn't kept on digging it up it might have evoked a few
sensations of cosy nostalgia but now we're just fed up to the back
teeth.
And, despite the
'subtle' lyric changes it's still a patronising and misleading view
of the continent.
Sorry for your troubles
and all, but I just had to say this.
Your former fan,
KJ
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